Cheryl

The Perfect Exercise. . . For Me

Exercise is a very personal matter. When, where, what type, what duration, what intensity. These are all very individual preferences and decisions. No one can tell you what will work best for you, simply based on what has worked for them. And you do hear a lot of conflicting information about what is best. Cardio or strength training? Long sessions or short bursts? Heavy weights or high repetitions? Gym or home?

I have done a lot of reading, experimenting and rejecting of exercise in my day. And I have learned that there are 2 basic truths:

Exercise is good
The BEST exercise is the one that you will actually come back to again and again

I suspect a lot of you have, at one time or another, obtained a gym membership. Maybe you’ve embraced these workouts, developed a schedule, made notes of your progress. Or maybe, you attended faithfully for the first month, then once or twice over the next several months, and finally, the only gym related activities you’re involved in are watching them debit your checking account every month.

So keep trying anything that is not dangerous, especially if its interesting to you. Many things won’t stick, for any number of reasons. But occasionally, something will, and it may become a part of your life for many years to come, or maybe even forever.

One such activity, for me, is hiking. “Hike” is defined as “to walk or march a great distance, especiallly through rural areas.” Pretty broad and wide reaching definition. Which sort of sums up hiking for me.

I fell in love with hiking over 20 years ago. At that time the motivation was the reward at the end of the trail. I climbed to my first stunning view of the White Mountains and I was hooked. Knowing that vista was waiting for me was enough to keep me climbing. Each time you attempt a different uphill hike, the view is different, but spectacular. To this day I have still not gotten used to, or bored with, the view you can get from such an altitude.

Aside from an amazing view at the end, there are so many other beautiful things to see: Wildlife like deer, snakes, birds, beavers and dams, and butterflies; amazing variants in trees and flowers; tunnels and caves; streams, rivers, and beautiful waterfalls. I remember one hike my friend Jeanne and I took with our husbands at the time which was a very difficult, constant uphill journey. Once we reached our destination we were surprised to find a gorgeous swimming hole. The guys stripped down to their underwear and we all enjoyed cooling off in the water before heading back down. A great adventure and a forever memory.

Sometimes there’s a known structure you might be heading for, or something unexpected. Stone walls are very common. On well travelled trails there might be a boardwalk to cover muddy areas, or a footbridge to cross a stream. Remains of something larger can often be found. Homes, castles, cemeteries, plane wrecks, towers, even whole villages are out there waiting to be explored. It’s not difficult to find such spots if you do a little digging.

Gorgeous sights at every turn are not the only reason I fell in love with hiking. Hiking can be any level of physical exertion that you wish. You can find a flat, wide path around a small pond with very little elevation or rough terrain. Alternatively, you can attempt a steep climb that will use every muscle in your body and leave you breathless at the top, and sore the next day. Or you can find any level in between. And you can choose not only the exertion level, but also the length of time you spend, from the 10 minutes it will take you to hike from the parking lot out to Doanes Falls in the Berkshires in Massachusetts, to an overnight, steep trip climbing Mount Washington in New Hampshire. In every case, its great cardiovascular exercise, and in many cases, also a challenging leg workout.

If the scenery and workout benefits aren’t enough of a reason, hiking can also offer a sense of peace that you will find nowhere else. I rarely hike alone–only on well-travelled, smaller, flat trails, with other people around and minimal chance of an injury–but when hiking with a partner like my boyfriend, Jay, we can walk along for periods of time in complete silence, literally leaving the hustle and bustle behind us. And, interestingly enough, if you seek the opposite, some social interaction, hiking is also ideal for that. Recently, during covid days, my friends and I would meet on a saturday or sunday morning for a hike in the woods where we could catch up, share some laughs, and still get in some much needed fresh air and exercise.

I’m sure it’s easy to see why hiking is my preferred method of exercise.

Itching to get started? When you are planning some hiking, be sure to do your homework, and be prepared. Figure out what type of hike you want to attempt and find a good spot. Alltrails is a popular app that lists hundreds of trails within driving distance and will give you the information you need: terrain type, level of difficulty, how long it should take. In most cases you’ll even find a map to help make sure you don’t get lost. Its good to familiarize yourself with the details of the trail before you start out. Take it from someone who gets lost easily, and has gotten lost several times in the woods. This is especially true if there are multiple trails in the area. You want to know which trail you are following and know which way you need to head if you come to an intersection or your 30 minute hike can quickly become a 2 hour hike. If possible, take a screen shot of the trail as you will often not have a signal on your phone once you’re out on your hike in the woods.

Be prepared to be comfortable with whichever type of hike you choose. Comfortable clothing and shoes are a necessity. A short, flat hike can be attempted with regular walking shoes or sneakers. When attempting anything uphill, or rocky, you’ll want a sturdier, traction shoe or hiking boot. Will it be cold or rainy? Plan for that. Bring water on any length hike, and snacks for longer hikes. You’ll want a comfortable backpack for your supplies. Lastly, bug spray is essential, particularly something to combat ticks, which are inevitable in the woods.

Hiking has it all: A Peaceful, short stroll in a beautiful environment or a heart-pounding, longer workout with lots of chatter and companions, you can alter hiking to any energy level, social level, timeframe, and goal. To pick out your first hike, identify the element that is most important to you and use an app, or an online search to locate options close to you. Or keep an eye on my blog, where I’ll be featuring some of my favorites in the future. In the meantime, if you’re looking for me, I’m probably on the trails.

The Skinny on Intermittent Fasting

You may have heard recent claims about the effectiveness of intermittent fasting. Health benefits include not only the obvious benefit of weight loss, but a myriad of additional benefits including decreased likelihood of inflammation, cancers, cardiovascular disease, parkinsons, diabetes and alzheimers. Anything that sounds that good deserves a little investigating.

I first began reading about Intermittent Fasting (IF) when I reached menopause. For the prior 20 years or so, I’d been mindfully active and tried to eat healthfully. I kept a close eye on my weight, with weekly weigh-ins and adjustments when I saw the number on the scale creeping up. Usually, adding in an extra workout each week and skipping the evening glass of wine a couple of times a week would keep the weight in check. Suddenly, these strategies no longer worked. I needed something different. An article suggested IF as a way to regulate weight after menopause.

Soon after, I got my first book and began reading. The science made sense and I thought this could be a good practice to insert into my life. One of the fundamentals that appealed to me is the flexibility. The “intermittent” in IF is the key. This is not about going days and days without food (although it can be). You can decide when, how often, and how aggressively, you want to try it. It seemed the minimum amount of time to see any benefits of fasting would be 12 hours (typically from about 7pm until 7 am the following morning). The “sweet spot,” seemed to be at least 18-19 hours. That’s when autophagy kicks in.

Autophagy, which is greek for “self-eating,” is the state where the body starts using existing fat for fuel, and begins recycling your bodies cells, eliminating the potentially dangerous organelles, particles and pathogens from your cells, thus boosting your immune system and reducing risk for numerous diseases and illnesses. The process of inducing authophagy, and what happens during autophagy, is very complicated. The discovery of the autophagy process is very recent. Although it first became known in the 1960s, it wasn’t until the 1990s when Yoshinori Ohsumi began to identify the mechanisms for autophagy, and its disease fighting capabilities, resulting in his winning the Nobel Prize in physiology in 2016. In fact, the benefits and details of autophagy are so new, that when I went to Wikipedia, searching for a basic explanation of the term, I saw that the pages had last been updated on 4/9/21.

Following this first immersion into IF, I immediately began putting some of the ideas into practice. I started by doing a 42 hour fast, one day a week, and also cutting back on carbs and sugar. It’s not as bad as it sounds. Tuesday was my fast day. Essentially I would stop eating by 7 p,m, on Monday evening. On Tuesday, I had nothing but coffee (with a little milk), and flavored water. Then I wouldn’t eat again until about lunchtime on Wednesday. I eliminated sugar from my coffee and skipped rice, pasta and bread whenever possible. I didn’t see results right away, but I committed to trying it for a month before giving up. For the first 3 weeks, I saw no changes in my weight. Then suddenly, a modest drop. After that I was down about a pound a week until I had lost about 10 pounds, which was thrilling. This had me back to my “maintenance” weight. I decided to keep going and get to that elusive dream weight. But after that, the scale wasn’t budging.

While I seemed to have plateaued, I was intrigued. Time to read another book. Book number two made similar claims to the science and the multiple health benefits of IF. The suggestions around fasting differed slightly. This advice was not as concerned with carbs, but did insist on a “clean fast” during the fasting period. This meant only black coffee, tea or plain water. The author followed a “one meal a day” fasting regimen, which held to the 19 hour fast rule, thereby eating for only 5 hours each day. The author suggested that it was okay to eat your one meal a day over the course of 5 hours, perhaps beginning with a light snack (your appetizer) at 2 or 3 o’clock, followed by your main dish at 500 or 530, and ending with a final dessert or glass of wine, wrapping up by 700. I found it too difficult to keep to the earlier, light snack idea, and soon found I was really eating another meal, so I cut this snack out altogether and just had my dinner with my family, usually accompanied by my glass of wine.

It’s been about 3 weeks on this plan and I haven’t yet lost any additional weight, which is not surprising to me. First of all, I’ve already lost the initial 10 pounds, so it’s natural that losing additional weight would get harder. Also I was not as diligent as I needed to be at the beginning of this new plan. And lastly, I still have cheat days. I probably follow my plan about 5 out of 7 days, skipping on days when social opportunities dictate otherwise: A recent lunch with a good friend and a midday bridal shower at one of my favorite restaurants. I refuse to be a slave to my eating plan. After all, I love eating good food, especially with people that I love! While I am willing to deny myself most of the time, I will always allow myself to enjoy food.

I just finished my 3rd book on IF and this one heavily described the science behind autophagy. It was a little over my head on occasion and I admit to skipping a couple of sections. The book likened the ideal diet to that of the cave men, consisting of periods of eating fatty meat and vegetables, followed by long seasons of berries, or maybe nothing at all, thus cycling annually through periods of autophagy and periods of non-autophagy. The recommended diet was very restricting and I knew wasn’t realistic at all for me. I definitely learned some things that I can use, just as I did with the first two books. Reading about ways to improve my health, my self confidence, and my life, is never a waste of time for me, and I’ll continue with my exploration of IF and autophagy. In fact, book # 4 is on the way as we speak. I’ll let you know what I learn next!

How to Plan the Perfect Day Trip

Clockwise from top left: Brewer Brook Trail, Wachusett dam and reservoir, Interior-Clinton Tunnel, Exterior-Clinton Tunnel

I’ve always enjoyed a good day trip, and in this past year I’ve turned my interest into an art form. For me, a day trip is the perfect way to see new, interesting places, enjoy beautiful sights, and connect with friends or family. Don’t get me wrong, I long for future days of Caribbean and European vacations, as well as long weekends away. But for now, a day trip is an inexpensive way to rejuvenate and have some fun.

I’m going to share my planning strategies and a recent day trip adventure. And in case you don’t enjoy the planning piece of it as much as I do, follow my blog as I’ll continue to share preplanned day trips you can take in the future.

I am lucky enough to live in Massachusetts. There are many things I love about New England, but topping that list is the ability to quickly travel by car to several different states. In addition to MA, I can easily be in Connecticut, Rhode Island, New Hampshire, and even Maine or New York for a longer day trip.

When I decide to plan one of these adventures, I figure out how much time I have for that day, and who my travelling companion will be. My fellow traveler is important as I try to plan activities that I think they would enjoy. For example, if my daughter Bridget is going to join me, I’ll plan to visit thrift or antique stores.

Once I’ve identified my co-pilot, I start to peruse the ongoing lists that I maintain of possible places to visit (for more on my list compulsion see my recent blog “A list for the lists”!) I’ll pick out one or two activities that match my guest, and timeframe for travel, also taking into account seasonal activities and weather. Once I’ve identified that my top activities are feasible for that day, I might google the area or trip advisor to fill in some more possible stops. You might just like to wing it and drive out there and see what ‘s what, but I personally like to have at least 3 ideas of places to stop prior to heading out for a long drive. Honestly, I usually plan more items than we can feasibly accomplish. This allows for surprises–such as rain, or a spot being closed unexpectedly–and it also allows my travelling companion to have some say in what we do. I can show them the list of possibilities and let them select their favorites.

If I’ve found 2 or 3 main activities and I know we’ll have more time to spend, I’ll fill in with some favorite activities by googling the area by topic: Country stores, hikes, and restaurants top this list of possibilities.

Lastly, I print a map (yes, paper!) of the area and mark our potential stops. This gives me a better idea of how much time we’ll need, and also will help me plan the order of activities so we aren’t constantly backtracking because we aren’t sure which activity is closest.

After this, the only thing left to do is pack some snacks and hit the road!

Here’s how a recent day trip went with my 17 year old son, Dylan, during his recent school vacation. Dylan and I had about 5 hours to plan on this day. Rain was predicted late in the day so I knew I would want to schedule any outdoor activities earlier in the morning. As I started to review my list of ideas, I kept in mind that Dylan likes to see unusual things, especially if they might be spooky, and he also loves taking pictures. After running down some ideas, I decided to begin with an abandoned railroad tunnel in Clinton, MA. This offered both photo opportunities and an eerie atmosphere that I thought he would like. Also added to my list was the Wachusett dam and reservoir which looked interesting and appeared to be close to the tunnel. After this, I searched the area for a picturesque hike that would be close by, as I love starting my day in a peaceful environment with pretty surroundings and the opportunity for a little exercise. This search yielded Brewer Brook dam trail, in nearby Berlin, a 1 1/2 mile, relatively easy trail around a small lake. I figured these 3 activities, followed by a nice lunch, would make a great day. I mapped out the locations, filled Dylan in on the plan, and declared a 9:00 a.m. start time.

I was very happily surprised to awaken to a beautiful, sunny day. Since I’m an early riser, I had plenty of time to pack up some snacks and water, as well as making sure I was prepared for rain or mud (on our hike) by packing a sweatshirt, umbrella, and boots. Based on the map I had created, our itinerary looked like this:

1 Hike at Brewer Brook Trail

2 Clinton Rail Tunnel

3 Wachusett dam and reservoir

4 Lunch at restaurant of Dylan’s choice

We left at about 9:15, almost on time! Not bad for a morning trip with a teenager on spring vacation. Our first stop would be the hike, and GPS had us arriving there in about an hour. We had a relaxing drive with minimal traffic and located the parking area for the trail fairly easily. The trail map in the parking area showed an easy loop around a pond, so we set off with our cameras ready. The trail appeared well traveled and well marked. We came quickly to the lake and noticed in the water a teepeed fencelike construction, and when I wondered what it could be, Dylan had already figured out that it was an outlet that the water fell into (photo, above). I had never seen anything like this before but after reading about it after our day was over, I learned that it was for flood control.

As we headed to our left, with the lake on our right, we easily found the trail, marked with orange stripes on the trees, and headed into a more wooded area. It was a narrow path that followed pretty closely to the lake. Dylan was the first to spot a long, tree limb that had fallen to the water and was filled with small turtles sunbathing. As they heard our approach they dropped into the water one by one and by the time I could pull out my phone for a picture, there were only one or two left. It was not much further that we found a sign on a tree describing the beaver lodge. We could see evidence of beavers in the holes surrounding the dam at the lake’s edge, and also saw many chewed branches, further evidence of their presence, but we didn’t actually see any beavers. We continued our path around the lake and Dylan pointed out several black snakes as we walked.

When we came to the end of the lake and were starting to make our right turn to come around the other side, our trail markings suddenly became white instead of the orange we’d been following. We were clearly heading in the right direction, so we continued on the path, with the lake now a somewhat more distant presence on our right. It wasn’t long before we started to see some junk piles in a clearing, and eventually a couple of houses, and it became clear we had veered off the trail. We decided to continue forward, after consulting our phones and seeing that we were close to the road. Eventually we came to a small dirt road and passed several more houses, obviously in someone’s yard, but there was no turning back at this point. Soon we arrived at the main road, and it was a short walk back to the parking area.

This was not my first time getting lost on what seemed like such an easy trail to follow. Despite all of my hiking, my inner sense of direction has not gotten any better. I really wanted to go back and try to find out where we had gone wrong, but we had other things we wanted to see, so we grabbed some water in the car, and got back onto the road. Someday I will go back and find the right path.

Our next stop–the tunnel– was just 10 minutes away, so we found the graffitied stones that marked the tunnel pretty quickly. I could not see the tunnel entrance or any parking, but as we passed the area, Dylan spotted a set of stairs that he suspected led up to the entrance of the tunnel. When we turned around to find a spot to pull over, we saw the Wachusett dam and reservoir almost directly across the street and decided to stop there first. This area had some street parking and was more heavily populated with people. Immediately we could see a great view of the reservoir on the left, with the very steep dam in the middle, and views of the city off to our right. We strolled over to a steep set of stairs leading to the bottom of the dam, taking a lot of pictures as we went along.

We took the steps to the bottom where we wandered through a little park with some trees and a fountain, again taking pictures and stalling a little at the thought of climbing the steep and lengthy staircase back to the top. Eventually we knew we had to get going, so we slowly made our way back to the top. Many people were sitting on the lawn, or the short concrete walls enjoying the views and the beautiful day. We finally made our way back to the car for the short drive back to the tunnel.

We parked on the side of the road and climbed a small embankment where we immediately saw the entrance to the tunnel. Graffiti was plentiful here. There was another couple walking through the tunnel so we paused to take some pictures and Dylan climbed up the side of the tunnel and sat at the top. Once the other couple were out of view, we entered the tunnel where the temperature dropped at least 10 degrees. It was only 2/10 of a mile long and we could see daylight at the other end. Dylan did not really appreciate my joke that we were literally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

As we ventured in further it got darker and darker and eventually we needed the flashlights on our phone to see where we were walking. Several areas had leaks and water dripped down, or poured down in a couple of places, and we had to watch out for puddles. As we had anticipated, it was a little spooky walking through the tunnel and I shuddered to think how dark it would be at night. Some people obviously had had that experience as there was quite a bit of trash left in the tunnel. I found myself wishing that anyone who came to enjoy the tunnel would at least clean up after themselves so that others who came after them could enjoy it. We made it to the other end relatively easily and paused to take some more photos before heading back through the tunnel to the opening where we had entered.

Soon we were back in the car and ready and hungry for our final stop: Lunch! I had selected 3 or 4 nearby restaurants based on 3 criterium: Good ratings, good food selection, and a liquor license. Cuz mom gets thirsty after a morning filled with activities.

Dylan selected a place called O’Connors, an Irish Pub in nearby Worcester. As we pulled up we could tell we had picked a winner, as the lot was filled, even at lunchtime on a Wednesday. They had some nice outdoor seating but it had started to rain a bit and we gladly made our way inside, where we waited only a minute before being seated. O’Connors is an old fashioned pub with many little rooms so although there was a lot of seating, we felt like we were in a room to ourselves. Service was prompt and we ordered drinks while continuing to review the lengthy menu. Dylan ordered his usual chicken fingers and I had a “grownup” grilled cheese (cheddar and brie) with a cup of butternut squash bisque. We both thoroughly enjoyed our food and we had great conversation about our day and other things going on in our world.

After a very enjoyable day, it was time to head home. We got a lot in in a short time, combining exercise, interesting sights, good food, and good conversation. Overrall, a very successful day. Oh by the way, total cost for the day: $30, the cost of lunch. It was almost sad knowing the day had come to end. But never fear, plans are already under way for the next exciting day trip!

Yes Ma’am!

Recently, during a trip to the grocery store, a nice young man finished making my change and then handed me my bag with a closing “Thank you miss, have a nice day.” I thought, Yes, that’s right! I’m a “miss,” not a “ma’am.” This reaction is based on my strong distaste of the word ma’am. I realize that by using the phrase, “nice young man,” I do, in fact, sound like a “ma’am,” but that’s beside the point.

Ma’am has always bothered me. I looked up the origin of the word and discovered it started in the 1600s as an abbreviation of madam, which was a respectful way to address a married woman. Madam itself is an abbreviation of ma dame which means “my lady.” That doesn’t sound so bad. In fact, it sounds kind of regal.

Maybe back in the 1600s, it was easier to tell who was a married woman and who was not. I can understand a married woman of those times appreciating the distinction. It was probably the difference between being a mere girl, and a mature adult. These days, it’s not so easy to tell the wed from the unwed, and so it seems to be used predominantly by people when speaking with someone who is older. It goes without saying that for a woman, being seen as older is never good. And I will say that very recently, I have been addressed as ma’am by someone very definitely older than me, which is even worse. Does that person think I am older than they are? Do I need to reconsider the botox question??

I should clarify that I am a Yankee. Born and bred in the Northeast. Those of you who are from the South, or have spent a significant amount of time there, can attest that the use of both sir, and ma’am, is still going strong. I know for them it is truly a sign of respect and children are often taught from the time they can speak to address elders as sir or ma’am. Even in the military, both designations are used regularly to this day, again as a sign of respect. I am not suggesting a change to these traditions.

If you start to ask women their thoughts, as I have done recently, you will hear a variety of opinions. Bearing in mind that my poll extended to my immediate geographic area, I will confirm that most women share my distaste for ma’am. However I did speak with a few who felt that they had “earned” that designation and preferred it to miss. Still others did not object to either ma’am or miss, but had strong feelings about being called “dear,” or “honey,” or “sweetie.”

I guess there is no nomenclature that is going to please everyone. In concluding my conversations with many individuals, we all agreed that a title is not really necessary. If you don’t know my name, a greeting without a prefix is fine (“Good morning, how are you?”) and the same is fine in closing (“Thank you and have a nice day!”)

I do understand that the use of ma’am is a sign of respect, but I just cannot get over my dislike of the word, so please do not use this description when talking to me or about me. Of course, if anyone wants to call me “my lady,” I’m okay with that.

Bills You Don’t Have to Remember

Have you ever forgotten to pay a bill and gotten whacked with a late fee? Or worse, gotten a “friendly” reminder call that your payment has not been received? Did you feel a nervous jolt when you finally got around to going through all that email only to discover an unseen bill notification?

Whether you rent or own, drive to work or use public transportation, like to travel or improve your home space, the bills keep coming. The consequences of not paying on time range from late fees, to lowered credit scores, to loss of the item or service you’re paying for. So how do you ensure that for all of those items, due at different times during the month, you not only have the funds when you need them, but that the bills are paid on time?

As a banker, I talk to a lot of people every day about money. Frequently, I’m talking with college kids, opening their first checking account or getting their first credit card and beginning to manage their first paychecks and payments. I often share my thoughts on managing money, taking on debt, and paying your bills to be sure your credit score is always going in the right direction: UP.

I have a method for managing my monthly expenses that I’ve used for years. And in all that time I have not stressed about having the money when the bill comes in. Nor have I ever missed a payment for any of the items on my plan.

I use my method for all of my fixed monthly bills, including mortgage, car payment, car insurance, cell phone and cable. Your list might look a different, but I think it makes sense to include any expense that is billed monthly, and that does not fluctuate very much from month to month. For example, I do not include my electric bill, which is often much higher in the summer due to air conditioning costs.

Once I’ve identified my fixed monthly costs, the next step is to open a second checking account, separate from my main (day to day) account. I call this second account my bill account. All of your fixed monthly expenses will be paid from the bill account. After you’ve established your bill account, add up all the monthly expenses you identified as being relatively fixed. Then, divide this number by the number of pay periods you have every month. If you get paid weekly, divide by 4. If biweekly, divide by 2.

Example:

Rent 1200

Car payment 250

Car insurance 150

Cable 180

Cell phone 180

Total 1960 / 4 (pay periods per month) = 490

This figure is the amount you need to deposit into your bill account each pay period in order to ensure enough funds to pay all expenses for that month. The best way to accomplish this deposit is to set up an automatic transfer through your employer for those funds to be deposited directly from your paycheck, removing the need for you to manually handle the transaction. Most employers offer this option, but if yours doesn’t, you can easily set up a recurring transfer through your online banking from your main account to your bill account. The keyword here is “recurring.” Set it up to happen automatically so you don’t need to remember and you will quickly get used to what’s left of your paycheck after the mandatory expense money has been transferred. The leftover money is what your have to work with for every day expenses–gas, groceries, bills not included in your bill account–until your next paycheck.

The last step is to set up automatic payments to your bill collectors by providing them with your bank routing number and the account number of your bill account, or by setting up recurring payments through your bank’s online bill payment feature. Voila! You have now set up a system to ensure you always have the money for your monthly bills, and that they are paid on time!

Here’s a recap of the benefits of using the bill account with automatic deposits and payments:

–Always enough money there when the bills are due

–Payments always made on time

–No late fees or consequences

–Credit Score continues to go up

—Extra paycheck twice a year

Wait, what??

Yes, you may have noticed that 2 months a year, there are 5 fridays in the month which means 5 paydays (or 3 paydays if you’re paid biweekly). Since you’ve planned to have enough money to cover your bills from 4 paychecks (or 2 when paid biweekly), you have an extra sum twice a year that you can use for whatever you want. It’s like a bonus!

As I said, I’ve used this method for about 10 years now and it works extremely well. No stressing about payments and no late fees! Occasionally I tweak when a payment changes or drops off (car is paid off, yay!) but for the most part it runs along smoothly with no thought from me of how, or when, bills are being paid.

And don’t worry if you actually like stress. I’m sure some will come along soon enough.

Friends For Life

By the time you’re my age–let’s just call it mature–you’ve settled into the friendships you’ll have for life. In the last 10 years or so I’ve made a conscious decision to let some friendships go. There weren’t any angry disagreements or vows to never speak to one another again. It’s just that gradually, we started to drift apart, and at a certain point, I let it happen. I guess I would go as far as to say I wanted it to happen. It’s not that they weren’t nice people, or that I didn’t like them. It’s other factors, like, maybe they weren’t as positive as I’d like. Maybe they weren’t as receptive to my suggestions to get together. Or maybe the sheer physical distance makes a lasting relationship too difficult. I am, after all, from a generation that grew up before social media. And “friends,” means something very different to us. Whatever the final factor that caused the cut, the underlying reason is the same in all cases. There is simply not enough time to maintain an infinite number of relationships.

I am a pretty busy person with a full life. I have two kids who are the best ever, and who are also very busy and still needing their mom, and I have a partner who I also love. I have a full time job, a part time job, and many hobbies. I own a nice home, have a pet, belong to organizations and like to do some volunteering. Add to that a solid core of extended family and friends. So spare time is valuable. And decisions as to how I spend that time are important.

As I said, the friendship decisions have been conscious. I have a sister-in-law, Lynn, who is very important to me. We actually were married to brothers, and although we have both gotten divorced from the guys who brought us together, we have such a history of shared joys and sorrows and are still close. I have another good friend, Heather, who was a colleague for many years and who holds a special place in my heart for her friendship, thoughtfulness, and support. I make a concerted effort with these relationships, and several others, to stay in touch. No, we don’t talk every day, but if too much time goes by, I can feel it, and I reach out with a text, a phone call, or maybe even a drop in visit with some goodies, or a a floral delivery.

Interestingly enough, my most precious friendships are those that have been around the longest: A group of 6 girls that I have known since high school. In high school we were all friendly, but not necessarily hanging around together all the time. I was closest with Jeanne, and we did hang out a lot, playing cards, going to concerts, studying together, even throughout college. Clo and I hung out occasionally outside of school. She was the wild one, skipping school, and trying the things that scared this goody two shoes. I stuck close to her to see what would happen next and to make sure she didn’t get hurt. Galdina, Martha, and Irene were kids you just wanted to be around. We met in Portuguese class and I enjoyed their compassionate natures and their wonderful sense of humor. Chris and I had a lot of the same classes in high school but didn’t really become friends until many years later. Her sarcastic wit and bold nature make her so much fun to be around.

After some periods of less contact, while our children were small, and varying degrees of socializing, this group kind of made our way to each other as adults, and now we’re a package deal, and I am so thankful every day for each and every one of them.

What makes this group relationship so special? Many, many things. We are all in the same places in our lives. Our kids are mostly grown, and if not already independent, getting close. We all work hard, but don’t live to work. Our complaints are the same: work, spouse, kids, a growing bucket list, and a finite amount of time. We have a group chat text, and its unusual for several days to pass without a conversation. Maybe someone is sharing exciting news (Matthew got engaged! Casey passed the MTEL!). Or maybe someone is just checking in: How’s everyone doing? What’s up for the weekend?

Pre-covid we had a standing dinner date once a month, We sometimes would take day trips and have had some great vacations together. Recently we’ve met with much less frequency. A couple of zoom get-togethers, a dinner with less than full attendance (we hate that!) and recently a great 2 hour walk in the brisk air that finished with Blueberry pie and coffee provided by Martha and eaten out of the back of her car in a parking lot. We are all anxiously awaiting the time when we can see each other again and plan one of our famous getaways, because there’s nothing like getting together in person.

Aside from the vast amount of things we have in common, the history we share, and the laughs that are always imminent when we get together, the best way to summarize why this group dynamic works so well, is support. We share things with each other before we share them with the world, if we ever do. Difficulties with the kids, a sick family member, a difficult coworker, marital problems. When we are together, a safe zone is created where we can say anything and feel complete support. You will never hear, “why did you do that?” but only, “that must have been difficult. How can I help?” It is the best feeling in the world to know that I can say anything and not only will I not be judged, but I will be loved, and will always leave their presence feeling better than when I went in.

It’s a relationship that I treasure, and nurture, and pray that I have for every day that I have left to enjoy them. I hope you all have a safe place like this in your lives.

A List for the lists

I love lists. Yes, I know, many of you probably use lists on a daily basis: Groceries, errands, work projects are common. My list obsession may go a bit further. My list app currently holds 47 different lists with a whopping 1033 individual items. And growing. Happily, they do not all have a due date of today. I started innocently enough with a typical to-do list. Then I quickly needed to make an adjustment based on what needed to be done today (return my library books), versus things that just needed to get done eventually (spring cleaning). Then I wanted to create a list for weekend chores, and needed a separate list for that. Of course I needed a “shopping” list for groceries and a “Target” list for my favorite retailer. Free delivery over $35! The rest is history.

Many of my lists are just informational, for someday future use. As in, it will be there when I need it. These include hiking destinations–subcategorized by region–potential day trip destinations, and recipes I’ve come across and would like to try. I also keep track of gift ideas (not to be confused with “Christmas gift ideas”). And how many times recently, when you’ve been homebound, have you sat in front of the tv, and struggled with what to watch next? There’s a “netflix series” list for that!

Several lists revolve around my kids. I have a list of their friends, with phone numbers, and a list for topics I want to talk to them about when we have a few minutes together, as well as a list of things I want to discuss with their doctor at their next checkup.

Self improvement and entertainment are always important. So there’s a list of books I’d like to read, restaurants I’d like to try, and exercises ideas for when I want to mix up my workout routine.

You will not be surprised to hear that I am adding to these lists frequently throughout the day. As I get older and my memory sometimes fails me, I know it’s best to add an item immediately when I think of it. Besides random ideas that pop into my head, there are numerous opportunities throughout the day for great ideas. Coworkers, friends, and social media offer a continuous stream of brilliant suggestions and reminders. Current circumstances also often dictate the need for a new list (where should we go for our summer vacation?).

You serious list makers out there will agree that the best thing about making lists is checking things off! This is typically even more satisfying than adding something new. Checking something off your list is proof to yourself that you are being productive. Even better, you may explore a new activity, recipe, or destination from your list that ends up being enjoyable and/or fulfilling. You might conquer a challenge, meet some new friends, or just be awed by something beautiful. In short, lists can help you to live your best life. For me, it’s safe to say that I would be lost without my lists.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to check something off of my “Blog ideas” list.

Satisfaction

There are some nights that follow a long day, when things just feel right. Maybe it was a difficult, but productive day. Dinner is over—a new dish, delicious–and the kitchen is clean. Homework is done, at least as far as you, the mom, know. It’s snowing outside, a fire is crackling, and all the people you love most in the world are home, safe, and for the moment, happy.

On nights like these, problems seem far away. Grades, work . . . not important. Bills in the “to be paid” pile . . . not important. That disagreement earlier with your significant other. . . not important.

You can sit in front of the television with a glass of wine and enjoy getting immersed in your favorite type of escape: Comedy, drama, true life? All that matters is that you’re enjoying it. In fact, you wish it would last longer, putting off the time to prepare for the next day with lunches, backpacks, and the ever present to-do list. Soon it will be time to head upstairs, and get ready for tomorrow.

For now, there is satisfaction.

But tomorrow, who knows?