Tag: alone

Table For One

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Very recently, at the age of 56, I sat in a restaurant and had a meal by myself for the first time in my life. It’s been an idea I’ve considered for a while, viewing it as a challenge of personal strength. I was surprised to read recently that solo diners made up approximately 35% of dining parties in the year 2019, and that it’s a statistic on the rise. However, only 10% of that number takes place in full service restaurants. I’m sure we all know in our heads that being alone is not the same as being lonely, but it’s still difficult to overcome the fear of how we will be viewed by others. Personally, I do enjoy my own company.

While we know social interaction is key for happiness for most of us, being alone also has its benefits. You can enjoy what you most want to do, as opposed to going along with someone else’s plan. And you can do it at your own pace. When you’re alone, you don’t have to make conversation, so you’re often more fully in the moment, enjoying everything that assails your senses, and having time to explore your own thoughts, uninterrupted. It really is an opportunity to learn more about yourself. As with most things in life, it’s about balance. Participating in solitary actions AND group activities is probably your best life strategy.

So why such a stigma on dining alone? I guess it’s the feeling that the solitary diner doesn’t have any friends or anyone who was willing to dine with them. Pretty silly. Is it a throwback from schooltime cafeteria experiences of sitting alone at lunch? Maybe. Have you ever witnessed a solo diner while you were out with a group and thought, “Oh that’s sad, he’s eating alone.”? I’m guilty of this. But I boldly decided on this day to not care what anyone else thinks. It helped that I selected a restaurant that was out of town, where I was unlikely to run into anyone I knew. And not only did I not know any of these people, it was pretty certain that I would never see any of them ever again.

To be honest, what facilitated the recent decision was more about my love for pizza. I’ve recently developed a bit of an obsession with local bar pizza and have been trying different spots known to be favorites, largely based on recommendations from a local Facebook group dedicated to the delicious delicacies.

On this particular Sunday, I found myself alone, and not having much I needed to accomplish, so I thought I would tackle 2 personal goals by trying a new pizza restaurant and dining alone. I decided to try a larger restaurant, very family oriented, with a full bar and plenty of seating. This was not a takeout restaurant, but a full service dine-in restaurant. I could immediately see, upon pulling into the large parking lot, that the restaurant was busy. As I entered the building, it was evident that there were quite a few parties waiting to be seated. I boldly went up to the hostess table and requested, “Table for one, please.” and offered my name. I moved into the waiting crowd.

My resolve was very quickly challenged when I heard the hostess calling for the next waiting group. “David, party of 4. . .” Oh no. She had to mention the number of people in the group?? I came very close to turning around and walking out at that moment. But I convinced myself to be brave. My next potential “out” came when I noticed the sign that said, “cash only.” Oh come on, who carries cash anymore? I once again considered leaving. But I saw the sign for an ATM on location and for the second time, I convinced myself to stay. While I waited, I observed the dining room. Plenty of tables, almost all occupied. I secretly hoped for a spot in the back corner, against the wall, where I could enjoy my pizza while being virtually unnoticed.

Fortunately, the wait was not long, so I didn’t have to contemplate more “should I stay or should I go?” moments. I soon heard, “Cheryl, table for one.” I held my head high and followed the hostess into the dining area. Although I had envisioned dozens of heads swiveling toward me to see who the sad party of one consisted of, but really, I didn’t see anyone so much as glance my way. As we passed several nice booths that would have been inconspicuous, I continued following the hostess into what was definitely more the center of the restaurant. We stepped up a couple of steps into an area with mostly booths along the wall, and then I noticed one table set up parallel to the booths. Yep. One table. Oh boy. Please don’t take me to that table I silently wished. But of course that was exactly where we were headed. It looked as though the table had been placed there specifically to seat me. I took my seat and immediately put my head down and started to look over the menu. Despite the increasing statistic of solo diners, I did not see any others in the restaurant on that day, but I had picked a very social restaurant, and also a time that would be very amenable to families and larger groups.

My waitress was great. She didn’t ask if I was still waiting for someone and never made me feel like I was somehow less important for being alone. I kind of felt bad for her. Like I was keeping her from a more generous tip by holding up this table, or keeping her from other tables. I ordered my pizza, and a beer, and I had also brought a book, so I opened that to read while I waited for my lunch.

I was certainly a little self conscious, both for being alone and being in the center of the restaurant. But each time I looked up, and around the restaurant, no one was looking my way, playing the game I had imagined in my mind of “I wonder what her sad story is?”

I didn’t have long to wait for my meal and I almost forgot my discomfort as I saw the delicious pizza which had, after all, been the purpose of my visit. I momentarily worried that people would be watching as I enjoyed my meal, shocked if I devoured the entire pie, which I usually did. Don’t judge. They’re small. But once again, no one seemed to be paying any attention to me, so I continued reading while I enjoyed this new experience eating slowly and sipping my IPA. When I was finished, I asked my waitress to point me toward the ATM and I walked over to it, getting a chance to check out the remainder of the restaurant. It was a cool place, much bigger than your typical bar pizza spot. After getting some cash I returned to my seat, paid my bill, and took the long, lone walk back to the exit and the parking lot, fully satisfied.

I’m proud of my bravery in experiencing dining alone, and I actually enjoyed it. I love to read so I never mind having more time to do that. And it was nice to have the freedom to make all of the decisions myself. I decided where to go, and when, and what to order. I didn’t have to make conversation and for just one pizza and one beer, the bill was relatively inexpensive. I think I made a good choice choosing a larger restaurant, during a busy, Sunday lunch time. Most people didn’t even notice me, and those who did, didn’t seem to think anything of my eating alone. In terms of favorites, I don’t think I’d place that pizza in my top 5, but I definitely did enjoy it. I would return–dining companions were now optional! And I won’t hesitate to dine alone again. So if you see me, or any other solo dining individual, don’t feel pity or sadness for them. The decision to dine alone was probably a deliberate one for them, and they are having a fine time enjoying their own company. As for me, I’m currently searching for the next “alone” experience. And , of course, the next bar pizza!

A Solo Day Trip Might be Just What the Doctor Ordered

If you’ve been paying attention, you know I love a good day trip. From the choosing of a location, to the planning and timing and mapping out of desired stops, to discovering something surprising, I love everything about it. One of the best things is grabbing a spouse, daughter, son, sibling, friend or group of friends to share the adventure. But sometimes no one is available to join you. This happened to me recently. It was Father’s Day weekend and my kids were spending time with their dad, my boyfriend was hanging out with his son, and a quick text to my friend group returned similar responses of plans already made for that day.

Cut to me excitedly rubbing my hands together, thoughts already swimming in my head. What? I can go wherever I want? So yes, I decided to venture out on my own. Since it was early spring, I immediately knew I wanted to include some flower viewing on my agenda, so I checked my lists for places that might fit this requirement. After pinpointing a neighborhood famous for its tulip gardens, and a nearby farm boasting of its beautiful flowers, I decided on an area, about 40 minutes from my house. From there I filled in some more gaps with a hike, a local spot with beautiful trees, and a lunch stop. The only thing left was to map out my stops, fill my coffee mug, and hit the road.

Although I often like to start my day trips with a hike, today my first stop was in the center of my hometown, where there are beautiful trees and flowers that were currently in bloom. I parked on a street and took a walk around the common, snapping pictures as I went. It was a beautiful sunny day with lots of blue skies and everything looked amazing. I spent quite a bit of time here taking photos at different angles and aiming to get some beautiful historical buildings in the background (see photo above). Already I am enjoying the fact that no one is sitting in the car, impatiently waiting for me to finish. When I was ready I hopped back in my car and drove a little further down where there is a fountain and a nice circle of tulips surrounding it. I continued to meander, taking my time and snapping pictures. Today, I only had myself to please.

Next, I headed for my hike, ensuring I get in my exercise, and also a little quiet time. This was particularly true on this day. I had selected a spot on the water but as I headed that way, I passed several additional, unplanned spring trees in full bloom so I did something I never would have done had I not been alone: I stopped randomly to take pictures of the trees lining the roads and even stopped to take a picture (discreetly) of someone’s yard! I was consciously aware of how nice it was to not answer any questions like “where are we going?” or “why are we stopping here?”

Although well behind schedule–with no one to care–I did finally make it to my planned hike, a Mass Audubon property. I had read that the main trail, which was about 2 miles long, was a loop, which I tend to prefer as it means I don’t generally have to worry too much about watching for turns and trail markers. The path should start and stop in the same spot. I set out and was immediately slowed down by the beautiful scenery and my need to take pictures. The trail started off in a large field where I saw many different kinds of birds, before disappearing into a wooded area, that I soon realized took me on a path that ran along the ocean. It was gorgeous. I’m continuing to get behind schedule but no worries, guess why? It’s just me! There’s no one else I have to please. No one groaning that I’m stopping again, or hinting that they’re hungry and its time for lunch, or that they’re tired of walking.

I continued on the path, which eventually led through an area where the water became a stream and there were several times when I crossed a brook via a rock bridge or wooden bridge. In a particularly muddy section, a boardwalk had been constructed to making passing easier. One spot even had a bench for pausing to appreciate the view. I passed an osprey nest with two birds in it, and a farm area complete with sheep. Around the time I thought I should be coming to the end I started to see the trail opening up and as I looked around, I realized I was not in the same spot where I had parked. It was indeed the end of the road, however, so , I had obviously missed a turn somewhere and needed to turn around. I was a little frustrated at this development as it probably meant a significant amount of time would be required to retrace my steps. However, I was once again glad that I only had to deal with my own disappointment, and not someone elses. I headed back at a brisk pace, and soon discovered where I had gone wrong, arriving back at my starting point in record time.

The next decision about where to go was, again, mine alone, and since I was hungry, lunch seemed a good option. I had selected a well-reviewed bar pizza restaurant as bar pizza is not only one of my favorites, but also is not a a favorite among my family and therefore, a good option for a day on my own. I thoroughly enjoyed my pizza–at the bar of course– and was ready to move on with renewed energy. I think if I’d had a travelling companion, this might have been the final stop for the day, having made several stops already, but I did not have a travelling companion and I still had things to see!

My last stops were the tulip neighborhood and farm. While the neighborhood was not as easy to locate as I had hoped, it was still a beautiful location and on my way I passed a couple of other signs for parks that looked like they might be interesting to visit. I was starting to run out of time so I made a note of them to investigate on another day. I made a quick stop at the farmstand, picking up some beautiful cut flowers and vegetables, before jumping back into my car for the ride home.

The day was a very enjoyable for me for many reasons: beautiful scenery, picture opportunites, good food and a relaxing flow. The main benefit was the ability to stop, change, alter, and enjoy the scenery and schedule. I enjoyed being alone, and forging my path, adjusting, altering, never worrying about what someone else would want, if someone else was bored, tired, hungry. As I look back, it was heaven. I often keep track of places I’d like to visit, and as I’m making notes of those, I’m thinking that some of these are only interesting to me, and therefore best explored alone. In fact, I’m already planning the next one. All I need now is a day to myself!