It happened again today. A family member stood in front of the open refrigerator. Their eyes roamed about the shelves; they ducked down to see the lower levels. This went on for a few beats. Pretty obvious that they were looking for something. I knew it was coming. They looked over at me and asked if I had seen a bag of baby carrots. I went over, opened the veggie drawer, moved a bag of onions, and pulled out a bag of carrots.
The refrigerator is the worst place for the lousy lookers. “Do we have any __________” or “Where is the ___________” inevitably mean I will eventually have to get up and find it myself. Oh, they pretend to look. Open refrigerator and quickly look to the spot where they last remembered seeing the item. No matter that that was probably 2 weeks ago. And don’t actually move anything to look behind it in case–oh, I don’t know–someone actually used it in those last 2 weeks and put it back in a different spot???
But of course it’s not just the fridge. This search for missing items applies to food, clothes, dishes, utensils, glasses, car keys, paperwork, the list goes on and on.
How come I am the only one in my house who can find things? For some reason, my family thinks that I keep a mental catalog of every single item in the house, and that I can instantly tell them, at any given moment, exactly where that item is. I don’t, and I can’t. but I’ll share with you my secret for locating waylaid items:
Step One: I get up and look
Step Two: Sometimes I move things in order to look more
Step Three: I keep looking until I find it
Step Three is really the key. When I am convinced that something should be there, then I will not give up. Because the reality is that people sometimes move my shit. Okay, it’s usually only one particular person. He doesn’t like clutter. I get that. But sometimes I put something in a certain place for a reason. For example, I will sometimes place something on the floor by the door that leads to the basement. The reason is, that item belongs in the basement, but I’m not going down there this very minute. There’s a reason I’ve placed it there that may not be immediately understood by a passerby. It can be very frustrating when I am planning to go into the basement and I reach to retrieve my item, only to discover that it isn’t there. Now it’s my turn to ask, “have you seen my ___?” Usually the answer is “no”. And he’s not lying. He probably does not remember that a day or so ago, he moved my stuff and now he doesn’t remember that he even moved it, much less where he might have put it. So the search begins. And now I have to think like him. Hmmm, where would he have put a vase? A vinyl record? A seldom used small appliance? I start with the most obvious places and branch out from there, until . . . You guessed it. I find it.
And yes, I’m sure I sometimes move other people’s things as well. But I try to put it someplace obvious. For the kids, it’s usually right in front of their bedroom doors, where they would have to step over it (and yes, they will) to get past it.
And recently, the shoe was on the other foot. I was in the fridge, the black hole of missing items, looking for a container of grapefruit juice. Not being able to locate it was strange for a couple of reasons. First, it’s pretty large. Second, It’s unlikely that anyone else in the household would have been drinking it. I searched the shelves, moving things, even checking the crisper drawers, although it’s unlikely I would have put it there. No sign of it. I call out: “Where is my grapefruit juice?” A look of confusion from my family member. I resume looking, moving even items that I know have not been moved for weeks, making the likelihood that my grapefruit juice would have gotten behind them very unlikely. No sign of it. I even check the shorter shelves, where the container wouldn’t have even fit upright, thinking I might have laid it on its side. Nothing. Sensing my irritation, I get a suggestion that one of the kids might have drunk it. Ok, that happens. Frustrating, but not punishable by flogging. Yet I’ve never know either of my kids to drink grapefruit juice and I think it’s very unlikely, which I express.
Another suggestion from the couch: Could it be in the fridge in the garage?
Well, I think, I certainly did not put it there. Was he saying maybe he had put it out there to make room for something else? I do what I do best: I go and look. Nope. Now I’m back to the main fridge in the house. The fridge is not that big of a place to search. It’s not like my grapefruit juice is located somewhere else in the house. It’s either in this fridge someplace, or its gone. I finally concede: It’s gone.
I reluctantly begin to think of a second choice beverage option. But I was really looking forward to the grapefruit juice, so no, I have to give it one more try, and there! On the door shelf beside the milk, is a jug. The label is not the one I was looking for, but it’s backwards in the shelf and so I was seeing the back of the jug.
I happily go about pouring myself a glass. And somehow, the finding of the lost item is even more satisfying than the drinking.
See, persistence does pay off!
F Words that are not 4 Letters 