friends – F Words that are not 4 Letters

My Christmas Wish List 2025

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Everyone is remarking at how quickly Christmas will come this year following the late Thanksgiving holiday. I feel it. Less time to do all the things we feel obligated to do: The shopping, cooking, wrapping, socializing. Yes, it’s all fun. But also exhausting.

For me the things that suffer the most are probably the things I most enjoy about the season. I wish I had more time to enjoy the activities that really bring me the most pleasure, the most peace, the most Holiday Spirit. Here are a few of them, along with some tips I’ve cultivated to maximize their enjoyment. Most are no-cost, and easy to fit into a busy holiday schedule.

Look at lights-I love looking at Christmas lights. Whether it’s my own tree and ornamental lighted garland in my home, or an elaborate Christmas display like the one near my home at LaSalette Shrine. And everything in between.

A tip for you: Each year I make a map of light displays at houses in my area. I then take a drive in the evening to look at someone else’s creativity, or elegant beauty. Many social media platforms have groups that feature holiday displays in your area; you can join a group and get a lot of ideas of places you’d like to see. Get in the car with a thermos of hot chocolate, put on some Christmas music and enjoy the sights.

Socialize in an informal way, especially with people you don’t see often-The official parties are a lot of fun. We will attend 2 or 3 this year and I always look forward to the food, the decorations, the company. They also sometimes involve work: Bring a homemade dish, wine, possibly a gift. Then there might be too much eating and drinking, and a long drive home at night. Smaller gatherings can be just as much fun, and perhaps more intimate, more relaxed. We all have friends we wish we could see more often. I would have liked more time to invite people over for smaller gatherings with some simple snacks and drinks and good conversation.

A tip for you: Plan early, if you want to schedule time with the people you’d love to see, but sometimes last minute works too! If there’s someone you know you want to visit with around the holidays, reach out to them early to plan a time; but if things aren’t coming together and you haven’t been able to select a day to connect, try getting together on a whim. Call them in the morning and say, I have a couple of hours tonight, are you free? Sometimes it works. Don’t worry if the house isn’t clean, there’s no food to eat, or presents to be given. Order a pizza and enjoy the moment of being together.

Play games-I know, not everyone loves games, but I do! When we get together on Christmas day, my family plays games after dinner. I have a lot of games at home and I’m always on the lookout for something new that sounds fun. We usually find time for some of our favorite classics: Scrabble, Apples to Apples, Spoons. One of my favorite memories of Christmas as a kid include playing pokeno for pennies, around a big table filled with family members. Pokeno was my nana’s favorite so we all played it to make her happy, and we all ended up having as much fun as she did.

A tip for you: Invite your guests to bring a game so you have a bigger variety, with something that everyone can enjoy. Buy some inexpensive scratch tickets for prizes and draw names to select random teams. Play one game and then switch to something different. Even those who don’t love games will eventually find something they really enjoy. And you’re guaranteed to have some laughs, enjoying the company of the people you love.

Bake and Cook for Fun-Baking and Cooking can be a chore. Especially when you’re under a deadline. But doing it for fun is a whole different activity. Scheduling it could make it less stressful.

A tip for you: Set aside an afternoon and bake and decorate some cookies with a loved one. This serves double duty for spending time with someone important to you. And you can also use the cookies as a treat to bring to a party, or as a homemade gift, which means checking something off your to-do list! If there are several friends you’d like to include, turn it into a cookie swap. Add some holiday music and you’ve created a short, informal get together. Paying attention to your senses is one way to slow down the holiday season and enjoy all the moments. Homemade cookies are great at accomplishing this: touch, smell, sight, and especially, taste!

Watch Christmas movies-I love them all (except the Red Shoes! No sad stories at Christmas). The classics are great: A Christmas Carol, Elf, The Santa Clause. The old tv versions are fun too: Frosty, Rudolph, The Year Without a Santa Claus, Heat Miser and Cold Miser; and yes, I even love the Hallmark and Lifetime movies. Sure, they’re all basically the same plot and the ending is never a surprise, but there’s something comforting in that. Hope and joy that in the end, it will all work out. That’s the spirit of Christmas Spirit.

A tip for you: Find someone who also loves these sappy movies and plan a movie night or afternoon. Turn on the Christmas lights for a seasonal atmosphere. Or, if your family just isn’t into it, plan to watch one when you know you’ll be alone at home. I record as many as possible and save them for when I have a small window of time. Most of them run just about an hour and a half if you watch it prerecorded without commercials. Pure Christmas joy!

Listen to Christmas music– I can’t get enough! I know the radio stations that start playing the soonest (Before Thanksgiving? YES!) and the ones that play even after Christmas, so I get a solid hour each day during my commute to and from work. While there are one or two songs that I dislike, 99% make me smile every time and I never get sick of them.

A tip for you: We have a lot of ways now to listen to specific music. If the radio commercials are not your thing, create a playlist that you can enjoy in the car, or at home while you’re cleaning the house or making dinner. Most cable and streaming options also offer channels that feature holiday music. I sometimes play these in the background at home when I’m doing the dinner dishes, wrapping gifts, baking, or working on a puzzle.

Be grateful for the things you have-A good idea every day, but especially at the holidays. So many people are alone at the holidays, or suffering with illnesses, homelessness, or strained relationships.

A tip for you: Whether you practice gratitude every day, or only rarely, take some time during the holidays to recognize the many blessings in your life. This is something you can do with as little as 5 minutes of time. It might help to write them down. You will likely be surprised by how long your list is. Don’t forget the small things, like listening to a pretty song, or looking at lights, or the smell of a Christmas tree.

Prepare more homemade gifts and/or experiences and fewer store bought items– In my groups of friends and family, we are very lucky. None of us really needs more “stuff.” I think especially of my friends and family who may be living in small homes with little storage space, or are just not in need of more clothing or candles or toys. If you’re crafty, homemade gifts can be very special. Many people have great talent for crocheting and knitting, and can create beautiful blankets, or hats and mittens that are not only useful, but extra special. While I am not crafty, in the past I’ve used what little creativity I have to create my own “crafty” gifts like assembling a photo album of pictures of the recipient with loved ones, or gifting a cookie jar with homemade cookies.

A tip for you: Its a popular sentiment these days that an experience is far more valuable than an object, and I couldn’t agree more. This Christmas I gave the gift of time spent together. My daughter received a “certificate” for a day out with mom to include some of her favorite things, like pickles, massages, thrift stores, and hot chocolate. My mom loves movies, so her certificate was for dinner and a movie, both of her selection. There are companies designed to help you gift some fancier experiences: Let’s Roam is a scavenger hunt company, Virgin Experiences offers gift certificates for many different experiences like food tours, hot air balloon rides, and flying lessons. And AmazingCo offers mystery picnics where you spend a day travelling to different restaurants and small cafes where you pick up a food or drink item at each and end your day at a pretty location where you can have a picnic with all of your collected items.

Remember loved ones no longer with us– I know many of us have loved ones that we miss and remember all year long, but in particular at the holidays. It might seem counterintuitive to spend time thinking about lost loved ones during the holiday season, but I find it oddly comforting. I lost one of my best friends last year, and I still don’t feel like I’ve had enough time to mourn. I miss her every day, but particularly at Christmas, as her birthday was December 28th, and we had many traditions that we shared at the holiday season. I will spend some quiet time alone to reflect on our friendship, and will also reach out to her kids to let them know I’m thinking of them,, and here if they need anything. My nana also died around Christmastime many years ago, so thinking about them and remembering fond memories, especially of times shared at Christmas, is like visiting an old friend.

A Tip for you: Schedule some time to remember those you’ve lost. You can do it separately for each person, by visiting their final resting place, if available, or remembering all of your loved ones who are no longer with us, at home, in a quiet space. My friend every year would buy personalized Christmas ornaments for my children, one of whom was her goddaughter, so even decorating the tree this year was a nice way to remember her. You can also look through old photos, if you have some, and remember some good times, and what you loved about each person.

These are the activities that most put me in the spirit, and also bring me peace, that sometimes elusive, but ever sought-after feeling. And if it seems like additional pressure to fit these in, just choose your 2 or 3 favorites and combine them. Most require very little time or money and the payoff is big. By asking a friend or family member to join you while you bake cookies and listen to music, you’ve enjoyed three low-stress, holiday-oriented activities. I guarantee you’ll feel full of Christmas Spirit.

My Christmas Wish List

Socialize in an informal way, especially with people I don’t see often-The official parties are a lot of fun. We attended 3 this year and I always look forward to the food, the decorations, the company. They also sometimes involve work: Bring a homemade dish, wine, possibly a gift. Then there might be too much eating and drinking, and a long drive home at night. Smaller gatherings can be just as much fun, and perhaps more intimate, more relaxed. We all have friends we wish we could see more often. I would have liked more time to invite people over for smaller gatherings with some simple snacks and drinks and good conversation.

Play games-I know, not everyone loves games, but I do! When we get together on Christmas day, my family plays games after dinner. I have a lot of games at home and I’m always on the lookout for something new that sounds fun. We usually find time for some of our favorite classics: Scrabble, Apples to Apples, Spoons. My memories of Christmas as a kid include playing pokeno around a big table filled with family members. Pokeno ( similar to bingo but with playing cards), was my nana’s favorite so we all played it to make her happy, and we all ended up having as much fun as she did.

Bake and Cook for Fun-Baking and Cooking can be a chore. Especially when you’re under a deadline. But doing it for fun is a whole different activity. Scheduling it could make it less stressful.

A tip for you: Set aside an afternoon and bake and decorate some cookies with a loved one. This serves double duty for spending time with someone important to you. And you can also use the cookies as a treat to bring to a party, or as a homemade gift. If there are several friends you’d like to include, turn it into a cookie swap. Add some holiday music and you’ve created a short, informal get together. Paying attention to your senses is one way to slow down the holiday season and enjoy all the moments. Homemade cookies are great at accomplishing this: touch, smell, sight, and especially, taste!

Be grateful for the things I have-A good idea every day, but especially at the holidays. So many people are alone at the holidays, or suffering with illnesses, homelessness, or strained relationships.

Remember loved ones no longer with us– I know many of us have loved ones that we miss and remember all year long, but in particular at the holidays. It might seem counterintuitive to spend time thinking about lost loved ones during the holiday season, but I find it oddly comforting. I lost one of my best friends this year, and I still don’t feel like I’ve had enough time to mourn. I miss her every day, but particularly at Christmas, as her birthday was December 28th, and we had many traditions that we shared at the holiday season. My nana also died around Christmastime many years ago, so thinking about them and remembering fond memories, especially of times shared at Christmas, is like visiting an old friend.

These are the activities that most put me in the spirit, and also bring me peace, that sometimes elusive, but ever sought-after feeling. And if it seems like additional pressure to fit these in, just choose your 2 or 3 favorites and combine them. Most require very little time and the payoff is big. By asking a friend or family member to join you while you bake cookies and listen to music, you’ve enjoyed three low-stress, holiday-oriented activities. I guarantee you’ll feel full of Christmas Spirit. I wanted to write this while the thoughts were fresh in my mind, but I plan to re-post this blog early next December, when the thoughts will remind me–and you–to slow down and enjoy every moment of the Season.

The Best Medicine

When was the last time you laughed? I’m not talking about a snicker when you hear a funny joke. I mean when you laugh so hard that you can’t talk. When you laugh so hard you cry. When you laugh so hard you can’t even catch your breath, and maybe liquid flies out of your nose.

I remember the last two times, as they were recent.

A couple of weeks ago I met my tribe for dinner. There are 7 of us total, friends for 40+ years. Regular meetings are our religion and our therapy.

When we get together, we catch up on everything that’s happened since we last met. Weddings, babies, new jobs happening in our kids lives. Complaints about work and When can we retire? Everyone has a funny story to share, and often we will just add pieces to it (What if you had said this? Why didn’t you just do this?) until the laughter bug catches us and then we’re out of control with the laughter. Usually, I don’t even remember exactly what we were laughing about. I just remember the feeling of thoroughly enjoying the moment.

The second recent time of laughter was with some family members as we celebrated my mom’s 80th birthday on a sleepover adventure out of town. At the request of mom, we were having a game night and one game required you to give answers quickly. As the game wore on, our answers got sillier and sillier until eventually that uncontrollable laughter started. And once it starts, it is so hard to stop! Laughing is fun. Laughter just. . . well, it just feels good.

Research shows that laughter has many health benefits, both physical and mental. These include pain relief, better immunity, and more happiness. Laughter reduces the level of stress hormones like cortisol, epinephrine, and dopamine, and increases the “good” hormone endorphins. It increases the number of antibody-producing cells working for us. It makes us feel better by distracting us from anger, stress and negative emotions and helps us view challenges in a less threatening way. Laughter releases stress in our bodies and causes us to relax. It even protects your heart by improving blood flow.

Perhaps best of all, laughter provides a feeling of connectedness to the people around us, promoting group bonding, enhancing teamwork, and strengthening relationships. And it doesn’t have to be the out-of-control laughter to reap these benefits. Simple laughter at a good joke or silly face will also get your blood pumping and change your outlook on the day. Wow, all of this, and its fun too!

Sadly, we appear to lose the ability to laugh as we get older. Studies suggest that as children, we laugh up to 400 times per day. As adults, only 15. It seems to make sense that we would want to try to cultivate this phenomenon to take advantage of the many benefits of laughter.

Getting together with loved ones is often a recipe for laughter success. Sharing stories from your past in a loving environment will bring up good memories and a chuckle. So as you’re gathered around the Thanksgiving table, ask each guest to share a funny memory from a prior holiday get together, or childhood, or family vacation.

You’ve probably heard that laughter is contagious. I’ll bet you can think of a friend with a genuine laugh that always makes you smile or laugh along. The contagious feature of laughter is why TV sitcoms use laugh tracks.

Here are some more ideas to get more laughter in your life:

Start with a smile
Watch a funny movie
Go to a comedy show
Host a party or game night
Try to laugh about minor problems instead of being frustrated
If you can’t laugh for real, pretend; the act of pretending will at least make you smile
Seek out laughter; at a social gathering or out in public; ask “what’s funny?”
Spend time with funny people
Ask a probing question: what’s the funniest thing that’s happened to you recently?
Tell and listen to jokes, and laugh even when you don’t find them funny
Incorporate “play” time: a toy on your desk, a funny poster or photo; skip, play pass, color
Keep a “laughter” bank of memories that you can think about when you need a pick-me-up

So get started today making new memories and improving your physical and mental health. And don’t forget to take your medicine!

Friends For Life

By the time you’re my age–let’s just call it mature–you’ve settled into the friendships you’ll have for life. In the last 10 years or so I’ve made a conscious decision to let some friendships go. There weren’t any angry disagreements or vows to never speak to one another again. It’s just that gradually, we started to drift apart, and at a certain point, I let it happen. I guess I would go as far as to say I wanted it to happen. It’s not that they weren’t nice people, or that I didn’t like them. It’s other factors, like, maybe they weren’t as positive as I’d like. Maybe they weren’t as receptive to my suggestions to get together. Or maybe the sheer physical distance makes a lasting relationship too difficult. I am, after all, from a generation that grew up before social media. And “friends,” means something very different to us. Whatever the final factor that caused the cut, the underlying reason is the same in all cases. There is simply not enough time to maintain an infinite number of relationships.

I am a pretty busy person with a full life. I have two kids who are the best ever, and who are also very busy and still needing their mom, and I have a partner who I also love. I have a full time job, a part time job, and many hobbies. I own a nice home, have a pet, belong to organizations and like to do some volunteering. Add to that a solid core of extended family and friends. So spare time is valuable. And decisions as to how I spend that time are important.

As I said, the friendship decisions have been conscious. I have a sister-in-law, Lynn, who is very important to me. We actually were married to brothers, and although we have both gotten divorced from the guys who brought us together, we have such a history of shared joys and sorrows and are still close. I have another good friend, Heather, who was a colleague for many years and who holds a special place in my heart for her friendship, thoughtfulness, and support. I make a concerted effort with these relationships, and several others, to stay in touch. No, we don’t talk every day, but if too much time goes by, I can feel it, and I reach out with a text, a phone call, or maybe even a drop in visit with some goodies, or a a floral delivery.

Interestingly enough, my most precious friendships are those that have been around the longest: A group of 6 girls that I have known since high school. In high school we were all friendly, but not necessarily hanging around together all the time. I was closest with Jeanne, and we did hang out a lot, playing cards, going to concerts, studying together, even throughout college. Clo and I hung out occasionally outside of school. She was the wild one, skipping school, and trying the things that scared this goody two shoes. I stuck close to her to see what would happen next and to make sure she didn’t get hurt. Galdina, Martha, and Irene were kids you just wanted to be around. We met in Portuguese class and I enjoyed their compassionate natures and their wonderful sense of humor. Chris and I had a lot of the same classes in high school but didn’t really become friends until many years later. Her sarcastic wit and bold nature make her so much fun to be around.

After some periods of less contact, while our children were small, and varying degrees of socializing, this group kind of made our way to each other as adults, and now we’re a package deal, and I am so thankful every day for each and every one of them.

What makes this group relationship so special? Many, many things. We are all in the same places in our lives. Our kids are mostly grown, and if not already independent, getting close. We all work hard, but don’t live to work. Our complaints are the same: work, spouse, kids, a growing bucket list, and a finite amount of time. We have a group chat text, and its unusual for several days to pass without a conversation. Maybe someone is sharing exciting news (Matthew got engaged! Casey passed the MTEL!). Or maybe someone is just checking in: How’s everyone doing? What’s up for the weekend?

Pre-covid we had a standing dinner date once a month, We sometimes would take day trips and have had some great vacations together. Recently we’ve met with much less frequency. A couple of zoom get-togethers, a dinner with less than full attendance (we hate that!) and recently a great 2 hour walk in the brisk air that finished with Blueberry pie and coffee provided by Martha and eaten out of the back of her car in a parking lot. We are all anxiously awaiting the time when we can see each other again and plan one of our famous getaways, because there’s nothing like getting together in person.

Aside from the vast amount of things we have in common, the history we share, and the laughs that are always imminent when we get together, the best way to summarize why this group dynamic works so well, is support. We share things with each other before we share them with the world, if we ever do. Difficulties with the kids, a sick family member, a difficult coworker, marital problems. When we are together, a safe zone is created where we can say anything and feel complete support. You will never hear, “why did you do that?” but only, “that must have been difficult. How can I help?” It is the best feeling in the world to know that I can say anything and not only will I not be judged, but I will be loved, and will always leave their presence feeling better than when I went in.

It’s a relationship that I treasure, and nurture, and pray that I have for every day that I have left to enjoy them. I hope you all have a safe place like this in your lives.