Recently, during a trip to the grocery store, a nice young man finished making my change and then handed me my bag with a closing “Thank you miss, have a nice day.” I thought, Yes, that’s right! I’m a “miss,” not a “ma’am.” This reaction is based on my strong distaste of the word ma’am. I realize that by using the phrase, “nice young man,” I do, in fact, sound like a “ma’am,” but that’s beside the point.
Ma’am has always bothered me. I looked up the origin of the word and discovered it started in the 1600s as an abbreviation of madam, which was a respectful way to address a married woman. Madam itself is an abbreviation of ma dame which means “my lady.” That doesn’t sound so bad. In fact, it sounds kind of regal.
Maybe back in the 1600s, it was easier to tell who was a married woman and who was not. I can understand a married woman of those times appreciating the distinction. It was probably the difference between being a mere girl, and a mature adult. These days, it’s not so easy to tell the wed from the unwed, and so it seems to be used predominantly by people when speaking with someone who is older. It goes without saying that for a woman, being seen as older is never good. And I will say that very recently, I have been addressed as ma’am by someone very definitely older than me, which is even worse. Does that person think I am older than they are? Do I need to reconsider the botox question??
I should clarify that I am a Yankee. Born and bred in the Northeast. Those of you who are from the South, or have spent a significant amount of time there, can attest that the use of both sir, and ma’am, is still going strong. I know for them it is truly a sign of respect and children are often taught from the time they can speak to address elders as sir or ma’am. Even in the military, both designations are used regularly to this day, again as a sign of respect. I am not suggesting a change to these traditions.
If you start to ask women their thoughts, as I have done recently, you will hear a variety of opinions. Bearing in mind that my poll extended to my immediate geographic area, I will confirm that most women share my distaste for ma’am. However I did speak with a few who felt that they had “earned” that designation and preferred it to miss. Still others did not object to either ma’am or miss, but had strong feelings about being called “dear,” or “honey,” or “sweetie.”
I guess there is no nomenclature that is going to please everyone. In concluding my conversations with many individuals, we all agreed that a title is not really necessary. If you don’t know my name, a greeting without a prefix is fine (“Good morning, how are you?”) and the same is fine in closing (“Thank you and have a nice day!”)
I do understand that the use of ma’am is a sign of respect, but I just cannot get over my dislike of the word, so please do not use this description when talking to me or about me. Of course, if anyone wants to call me “my lady,” I’m okay with that.
F Words that are not 4 Letters 